My life as of late...

Well, I am finally starting to feel the pains of the economy. Yes, I have a great job. But, I can't work if congress doesn't pass the federal budget as a seasonal employee. It's really starting to piss me off. I make good money and I my sole provider. If I am not making money I am not able to pay my bills. Granted I get good unemployment but the crappy part is I owe taxes this year. And I HAVE TO PAY THEM ON TIME! Or I am totally screwed. I can lose my job. Yes, I am a little stressed.

January 24-29th I went and visited one of my best friends.. Cindy! I had a great time. And I am gonna make a point of seeing her a few times a year even if it going down on a weekend :). We had a lot of fun. I feel like whenever I see her that we just pick up where we left off. She claims that she is boring. But I love spending time with her! She is someone I aspire to be like!

The gym is going well. A couple weeks ago I took a week and a half break. I was sick and then went to Cindy's I am feeling great. I have a strong support system and that has been awesome.

30, fLiRty & FaBuLoUs!!!

Okay so for the past few weeks I have seriously felt depressed. I am one who is positive and happy but recently I have really felt down. I had read a journal entry from a few years ago that I had made. Sad, thing is I had a lot of the feelings that I had from then. And guess what the problem was? ME! I'll admit it. I am one that thinks life should just happen for me. If I want to change MY life, I have to do it myself!!! I am not gonna lose weight by hoping. I have to take action to get what I want in LIFE! By not taking action I am losing out on life and it's my own fault.

So what is in store for me this year? I am turning 30 which I'll be honest is freaking me out! But to be honest why should it? It's just a new chapter in my life. If I am able to get time off work I am going to visit my cousin Jaymie in Washington DC for 2 weeks. What a way to turn 30? Going on vacation.

I am my own worst critic I need to get back to the gym which I am starting today...and not give up and keep going. My weight isn't gonna fall off overnight!!!!! I shouldn't expect it too!

So here is to a great year! I am gonna start making myself a better person mentally, physically and emotionally! It's gonna be a long journey but I am ready!

Does anyone even read my blog?

Probably not!! I rarely post anything. Not that I don't have lots going on. I just sometimes think I am lame! Which is why I don't post..

What have I been up to?

Well, I was extremely sick over Thanksgiving and almost had to go to the ER thanksgiving day. I could not breathe. I could go outside and breathe just fine because it was so cold. Well like an idiot I still went and did Black Friday shopping with my friend and her friend. Got home at 7am and I slept till 3:30 and then went to the doctor. I had a virus.. but also had an ear infection. Even though I was so sick I still went to the BYU vs UTAH football game. It was an awesome game. :). Then on December 3rd I got furloughed from work. It has been extremely nice having time off work but I am starting to get bored. December 4th I went to a fun ornament exchange party. Well, like an Idiot my paint didn't dry on my ornaments so they had leaked out. That was interesting.. but they turned out cute. Then later that day I went to go the festival of trees with my friend's Tiffany and Felice and Tiffany's little girl Paisley! It was a blast. December 15th I had a work Christmas party that I went to. It was good seeing my team. On December 18th, I went to my friend Jessica's ward party.. It was actually kind of lame and Jessica would admit that too. Her and I exchanged gifts and then her friend from her ward came over and we talked for a good 3 hours. It was a pretty intense conversation.. but her friend Robyn is super nice! As most of you know I have been struggling with my beliefs at church which has kept me away over half of the last decade. A lot of what Robyn was talking about opened my eyes to some things. It was great. Christmas was wonderful with my family. I just LOVE my family and all of my awesome friends... they always spoil me and I am so grateful for everything people do for me. I went to my grandma's house on Christmas. It was great!! We ate, opened gifts and just enjoyed being together as a family.

I am starting ANOTHER EXERCISE program tomorrow. It's time to get in shape. I no longer feel "comfortable" in my own skin.. which means I need to make some life changes... so here goes.. Those who have lost weight, how do you keep the motivation?

So Sad... :(

As most of you know. I am a HUGE University of Utah fan. I was so sad that they let TCU dominate the game yesterday. They didn't even show up to the game and got their butts kicked. I know that they are a better team than that. They let this big game get to their head and then BAM.. nothing. 47-7 guys? Seriously? What pissed me off the most that maybe 20,000 fans left early! And then Utah fans started booing their team. Come on guys, they can't win them all.. and you LOVE them when they win.. can't you love them when they LOSE? GRRR! Oh well. I am hoping they atleast go 11-1 on the season!!

So fed up.... WITH MEN!

So, I feel like I just wasted the last 6 almost 7 months of my life. I had been dating a guy. And well Thursday he had said something about hanging out this weekend. Well, I told him that he had been acting distant lately (which he had been). And I basically told him I have felt like I have been in the friend zone a while. And he said and I quote "We are friends. I really don't want more than that with anyone right now. But you are important to me. I apologize for being distant lately." For one, why had he been leading me on for months and telling me he likes me...and then says that. For two.. be man enough that you are ALMOST 30 and just say hey right now I am not looking for anything upfront. Instead of stringing my emotions a long for months. He will email me at work and act like nothing is wrong, so I had to send him an email that said.. let me clear my head and then maybe we can be friends in the near future. I am fed up with dating. Seriously. I am 29 and I feel like I have dated a lot of "young" guys who don't know what the heck they want.

I would like my friends to set me up with guys they think I would be compatible with rather than ones that I have nothing in common with. I really want to be in a relationship that leads to marriage. I am meeting all the wrong guys. It sucks. People keep saying

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs, to find your prince.

My response is...

You live in a fantasy world and have watched too many DISNEY movies.

My heart is broken and I feel sad...

29 things I want to accomplish before my 30th birthday.

Well it's an hour into my birthday. I have been pretty negative lately. I always get a little meloncholy around my birthday cause I never feel like I really accomplish anything. I have decided that it's time to make me a better me and start doing stuff to better my life. Here are 29 serious and funny things I want to do in the next year.

1. Get back to the gym and lose weight.
2. Start eating better.
3. Learn how to budget my money better and stick to a budget.
4. Have a couple thousand saved dollars saved up in my savings account.
5. Get out and meet new people.
6. Try to start going back to church.
7. Get out and date more.
8. Go on some vacations.
9. Get a permanent position with the Federal Government.
10. Buy a flat screen tv and a blu ray player.
11. Pay down my debt.
12. Be a better friend.
13. Reconnect people from my past.
14. Be the best person I can be.
15. Be more positive.
16. Take more pictures.
17. Read more.
18. Learn to be happy with myself.
19. Live with no regrets.
20. Do more crafts.
21. Be happy with being single.
22. Get a passport and use it!
23. Visit with my grandma more.
24. Move into my own place.
25. Write poetry more often.
26. Stop and "smell the roses" everyday, find the joy in every day.
27. Learn to sew.
28. Make someone's day whenever you can.
29. Thank God everyday for something.

Let's hope that I can do this. :). Even if I don't that's okay. But.. in the next year of my life I want to try to start making something of myself.

Lion King!!

So, this afternoon I went to my first broadway show.. granted I know I am NOT anywhere close to NYC. But Capitol Theatre has broadway shows from touring companies. I saw Lion King and I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! :) Rafiki was my favorite character in the musical. In the movie Rafiki's voice is a man's voice in the play it's a woman who had an amazing voice. :). It was so colorful and fun. I went with my friend Felice and her family it was fun. :). I need to go musicals more often. I LOVE THEM!