I probably shouldn't start writing a blog at 3:15am but I feel like I want to. I just got off work and I have a feeling if I don't blog about whatever then I am going to not sleep well. I am ticked. I didn't get the job at the IRS in their HR job. They said "you're highly qualified BUT your not being selected." I am sick of the IRS taking forever to say "no". It's pissing me off.
I dyed my hair blonde yesterday. Well my hairdresser dyed my hair blonde. IT didn't go the exact color I wanted, but I guess it works for now.
I started working 4 10's at work! I work Tuesday-Friday 4:00pm to 2:30am. I actually like having EVERY monday off. It's nice. I can do so much more with a 3 day weekend.
I fell down my stairs last week, so I have not been to the gym in 2 weeks doctor's orders. I was in a lot of pain last week, it has subsided and I plan on returning to the gym monday. They canceled the biggest loser at work because they said it's gambling! Oh well. WHatever.
I am going on a weekend trip in about 4 weeks to Southern Utah and to Vegas with a friend. Should be fun. I need to get away.
I have kind of had a crappy week. Well, actually I just am kind of sick of the way my life is going. I'd say about 95% of my friends are married. I hang out with one of my married friends all the time. And hang out with a few other friends here and there but I feel like I am starting to be a nusiance with some friends. I'm busy but I do like doing stuff ocassionally with friends. I guess I just feel down lately. I will be 28 this year. In Utah's terms I am an old maid. I don't understand why guys are such idiots now. I've dated a lot of good guys in my life but most have been duds. Everyone keeps saying "You'll find the right one" Yeah, right it's not happening. I am done with my search. Yep, you heard me. I just decided that marriage probably isn't for me and having kids probably will never be an option because my "soulmate" doesn't exist. My biggest dream in life is to be a mother and wife, but I don't understand why "he" hasn't came into my life. I know I would know when he did. I am just sick of looking. I sometimes feel like crawling underneath a rock and dying sometimes. Tonight (friday) is one of those days. Don't you love those days when you feel like a piece of crap and that your life has no meaning and you feel like nobody cares about you?! Yeah, well that's me today! Enough of my venting on things I have no control over. I think I may just stay in bed all weekend with the blanket pulled up over my head while I shut the world out. After I sleep I should be in a happier mood. We'll see. It's stupid that a job that you really wanted you didn't get and it can screw up your mood!
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7 comments:
That really stinks about your job!! And falling down the stairs. I hope you get better soon!!
I have learned the hard way over the last 4 years that the Lord's time-table is much different than mine. I was lucky to have found Doug while still a teenager (18!!) but I am still waiting to be a mother. We have tried to have children for 4 years, tried pills, specialists, etc and nothing. It's been so very frustrating. During that time I have watched everyone I know have children and some of them have had 2 children, while I have been waiting to just have 1. I sit in church and have to look at all the cute babies and sometimes it's really really hard. About 6 months ago I FINALLY realized that it will happen and that I am waiting precious years of my life worrying about it.
I don't know if that helps at all, but I thought I would share anyways. :)
Hey Lois! Thanks for the good advice! :). I was just having a crappy day and had to vent :)! You are right though, I should stop worrying so much! I am wasting precious time doing that! I guess what just really bothers me is when people ask "So, why aren't you married yet?". LOL.. He's out there, I just gotta find him! And with the job thing, I just don't think I was meant to get it! Everything happens for a reason!
Oh yeah and I hope and pray one day you'll be able to have kids :). It'll happen when you lease expect it!
Im sorry You had such a bad day! Try not to let it get you too down. Everyone has different challenges in life. This past year has been my proof. When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th I got a staph infection and a horrid rash that looked like ringworm covering my entire body, yes face included. I was so sick and took so much medication I swore i was going to have a handicap child, but the kicker was when my 3 yr old almost 4 yr old drowned in my in-laws pool, I dove in after him 8 mo. pregnant and nearly lost 2 of my children that day. I was blessed enough that they were able to restart my Dallons heart and get him breathing, but I will never ever get those horrid images out of my head. after a few more months we found out that my husbands company forgot to add my baby onto their insurance and so we had to fork out the $7000. I learned a lot though at the time I didnt understand and some of the things I still dont understand why they happened I know that the lord wanted me to go through that. Everything will work out for you, your a bright, intellegent, beautiful girl and I have to say I am even a little jealous of you. I wish hadnt have met matt as early as i did, there are alot of things ive never got to do and wont be able to until my kids are grown. enjoy your freedom you will look back at these days and miss them.
hey by the way I have a really good nick name for ya....wanna hear it...Bella you know for the stairs thing...hehehe just kidding...be careful and have a much better day tomorrow
Well, there is one good thing about having a down day. They make good days seem better. :) I hope you start feeling happier soon! Stick in there!
Thanks Ashley and Cindy! :). I shouldn't have posted that right before bed :). I was a crappy mood! I can't believe your son almost drowned :(! That is definitely scary! It sounds like you guys had a rough time :(. It makes my crappy day seem like nothing. I guess I just need to feel blessed for having crappy days and good days! :). I am glad Dallon and you, and your 4th child (forgot if it was a girl or boy) are well. You are right we all have to endure different things in life. I enjoy being single but it'd be nice to be married now and have a couple kids. I just wish I could find the guy I'm supposed to marry! :). It seems like all the good ones are gone!
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