Thursday, January 21, 2010

I want to trade my life in for a NEW LIFE!

Seriously, I am freaking bored with how my life is going. I work, sleep, work, sleep. I know that's part of being a grown up. But also my social life is beginning to suck as well. I'm a social butterfly so it pisses me off. Most weekends I am at home doing nothing. Most of my friends are married, dating someone, engaged or have kids. Not that there is anything wrong with it. I am bored. I don't go to single wards or really church for that matter. Even if I did I constantly get the "why aren't you married spill." Am I that abnormal to be 28 and not married?! In Utah I am. I stopped going to church...because every week I would have SOMEBODY ask "why aren't you married yet?" I got sick of it. Seriously sick of it. I'm a good person. I've dated a ton and had numerous boyfriends. But even then it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I am sick of trying, sick of looking. I just want to active social life back. Is that too much to ask? I used to go out every weekend with friends. Now, I am lucky if I even leave the house on the weekend. I hate being alone! I'd rather do things with friends. I guess I should just start working all the overtime I can when I am able too..and screw having a life. Ugh.... I want a new life.. one that DOESN'T SUCK!!!!!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

New Year.. New job!!!

So.. after one week of training I have decided I like my new job! I like it more than the job I was at for 2 1/2 months. The training is a lot better over there. The trainers have ACTUALLY gone through instructor training so they know how to instruct. It's a lot to learn but it's very interesting. I am now someone who assists the auditors in the audit process (YEP.. I am one of the bad guys now.. haha). I look through correspondence making sure the Taxpayer sends us in EVERYTHING we need to we can audit them. I am a little nervous about being on the phones..but on swing shift it's minimal. So. I won't complain. I have 5 more weeks of training.. EEK!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

I've come to realize....

As I get older that friends come and go..but there are a few precious ones to hold on to forever. I have a friend who I have been friends with for years drop off the face of the earth in the past year. Last I saw her was at the Celine Dion concert last february. I emailed her, called her, even sent her a christmas card. NOTHING.. no acknowledgement. No saying "Hi, everything is okay". I'm done trying with her. I was in her wedding. Got to know her after high school.. but she was a year ahead of me in school. I do understand life is busy...and at times I am not the best friend because sometimes I let too much time go by before I call or email someone. Life gets busy and time escapes me. A lot of good friends from high school...I really don't have contact with! I have two of my best friends from high school I'm on contact with and that is Cindy and Maryann. Everyone else I ocassionally talk to on facebook. It makes me sad, but it's a part of life. My ten year high school reunion is this year. And to be honest I am not sure if I am gonna go. A lot of those people from high school are on facebook. But why spend money to go to a reunion to see a lot of people that you'll make intentions of staying in contact with when you know that you won't. I mean honestly.. Im still single and I work... who wants to hear about my life the past 10 years? Nothing of great importance happened in my life..Im curious to see where some of my friends are. But, if our friendship had been more important wouldn't we have made an effort to stay in contact or heaven forbid see each other in the past 10 years? I just don't think I am going to the reunion! Unless I am dragged which could be a possibility. Most of my friends now are friends I've made in the last 10 years..and most of them have been through work. I do have several friends I've met through work whom I hang out with on a regular basis outside work. I remember a saying for elementary that said "Make new friends but keep the old one is silver and the other is gold!". Isn't that the truth.

I've also come to realize that if I want to have things in life.. I have to work for them. If I want to lose weight I have to work for it. It's not just going to happen over night. This is the year I am going to get in shape. I know, I know I say that. But I am 28 years old and sick of being the "funny fat chick". I went and bought a wii fit, signed up for weight watchers and have my gym membership. I am not going to let my worse enemy defeat my will to lose weight. I am my own worse enemy. Guys in Utah like the skinnier girls. And if people tell me they don't I think they are lying. I've always been one to go on plenty of dates, have plenty of boyfriends but it seems like it never ends up working out. I attribute that to my lack of self confidence because I am overweight. I am shy with guys, always have been. I think losing weight i'd feel more confident to approach a guy who I think is cute. Im sick of watching my life pass me by. Im 28 years old and what do I have to show for myself? I have a great job..whoopti do! Most people my age have kids and a wife or a husband. Own their own home...and the list could go on! People say I am lucky that I am not married yet well when you've been single this long it starts to become a burden. I hate when I first meet someone their first question is "Do you have kids?" "Are you married?" "Oh, well how come you aren't married yet?" It's annoying. What do I tell them? I don't know why I am not married yet. How can I answer that question? Is there anything wrong with me? NO. Am I a mutant? No... I just am not married yet. Anywhere else in the country I'd be normal because they don't get married until they are in their 30s! But guess what now.. that it's 2010 and in 2011 I will be 30. 30 scares me. I need to start living life. BETTERING my life...and do stuff for myself. I need to exercise, eat right, lose a house or condo, go back to school...and do something with my life rather than watching it pass by me. I am going to start living my life like I will never get married...and buy a house, go to school, work...and hang out with friends when I get a chance. No one can do these things for me. I keep throwing around the idea of moving out of Utah. I think the main reason I want to do that is because Im not having any luck with the guys in Utah. I just want to go where it's normal to be 28 and not married. Rather than being in Utah's bubble where 28 is an old maid... I remember when I was in high school and I saw people from church who were 25 or 30 and not married. I wondered what was wrong with them and why they weren't married. And now I am one of those non married people.. It's all so frustrating. People keep saying it'll happen in time. Well I am giving up hope on the whole thing..and I am going to better myself and if my better half comes into my life then great! If not then atleast I'll have my own life!

HAHA! Man, this post probably makes me sound like I am depressed. I'm not I just felt like venting. I am blessed for the friends I have. The friends I will meet. I am grateful to have an good paying job in this economy! I just hope that good things will happen in 2010 for my friends, my family and for everyone. :).